Chase feelings, not numbers

I’m sure I’m not alone when I say, how on earth is it nearly Christmas? It feels like just a second ago that I was celebrating the new year in a cloud of covid at home, whilst contemplating how I would achieve fulfilment in 2022. Suddenly, the Christmas songs are playing on the radio, Christmas trees are going up (mine went up three weeks ago and I’m completely unapologetic for that), mulled wine is being warmed and people are dusting off their most outrageous Christmas jumpers.

In true Charmaine fashion, I’ve started reflecting about what I’ve learnt this year, and was intrigued to see if I’ve delivered against my commitments, set out in a blog I published back in January.

Here’s the thing, I set myself 5 commitments. I intentionally avoided the stereotypical, fad new year resolutions.

My commitments were:

  • Being kinder to myself
  • Remaining authentic
  • Push the boundaries where necessary
  • Regularly step out of my comfort zone
  • Continuing to write my book


No big numbers, no strict deadlines, and no unwelcome pressure.

Okay, so I’ve absolutely delivered against these. Why wouldn’t I? They were important to me and were largely centred around me, showing up as me. Easy, right?

It did, however, get me thinking. According to the charity Mind, 1 in 4 of us are now experiencing mental health problems every year, and it’s fair to say that the cost of living crisis is now doubt weighing heavy on so many, which will sadly impact these numbers. So why is it that so many leaders, parents, humans, even, need to chase that big number?

This manifests itself in so many different places. Your salary expectations, monthly pay, size of house, mortgage size, money in the bank, pay rises, sales targets, followers on social media, and even the scales. The truth is, I used to have targets that were solely driven by numbers. As a successful business owner and entrepreneur, this makes complete sense. The money I earnt was important, the size of my family home had to fit my future, the car I drive also had to be in line with my financial success. These material things were all centred around achieving big numbers in work, to achieve big price tags outside.

The truth is, achieving numbers, however big or small, can sadly sometimes feels empty. I can’t tell you how disappointing it is to reach such huge milestones in your life and feel completely numb. If someone had told me this 10 years ago, when my business was set up, there’s absolutely no way I’d believed it. Afterall, how can achieving such huge numbers, not create a feeling a fulfilment? Why would you not feel ecstatic? And where are those fireworks?

What I’ve now come to realise is that self-belief, self-worth and knowing you are “100% enough” creates a feeling of fulfilment. It’s this feeling that will make you successful. Let me say that again:

It’s not the number, it’s the feeling.

Let’s be realistic, there will always be a new number to chase, a new target to hit and the reality is no number will ever be big enough, meaning you will never be fulfilled. You will end up chasing goalposts that simply keep on moving. So, here lays the problem. If you don’t identify the feeling you’re craving, and invest appropriately in yourself, you may just find yourself slowly falling down an Alice in Wonderland rabbit hole of endless number chasing and inadequacy, which will no doubt result in poor mental health.

Now I’m not saying financial goals need to be scraped all together, that makes no sense. What I’m saying is, put two feet on the ground and try and stay present. When you live too far in the future, mentally, it weighs heavy and will impact your leadership ability, coaching powers, and the relationships you develop.

So, when that clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve, remember your canvass is now wiped clean. You will get the opportunity to choose how you feel in that moment how fulfilment will show up in 2023.

I know, that when I’ve made a difference to my life and those around me, and I’m unapologetic about the authentic person that shows up every day, I feel fulfilled and successful. It’s this feeling I will continue to chase. That helps me sleep at night and as a successful business leader, the numbers are the biproduct and will naturally follow.

So, don’t forget. Self-belief, self-worth and knowing you are enough will make you successful.


Charmaine Vincent

Owner & CEO